Today was the day.
I met with our boss and let him know we will most likely be using our contract expiration as an opportunity to move to Indy. It was interesting to see his response. "You're leaving?" were his exact words.
I told him we'd be willing to consider any offer the station is willing to make to extend our current deals, but in my heart of hearts I just don't feel we'll be satisfied with anything they put on the table. There are staff issues, managerial issues, equiptment issues, etc. that I could fill an entire entry on alone. But honestly, at the end of the day those become more "signs" that it's time to leave, rather than the reasons themselves.
It's a scary step. The ball that we've talked about letting go is now in motion. I keep telling myself that this is what it takes to better your life. Not that I feel we have a bad one by any means. We have great schedules allowing us to avoid using daycare, somewhat flexible vacation time and jobs we once truly enjoyed. From the outside looking in, it may even look quite perfect. The house, the friends, a supportive church and the television jobs all paint a great picture.
But we're not happy, and there's no denying that when you lay your head down at night. It's also obvious where the hole is when our weekends are so much fun and our trips away together are a blast. Yet Monday through Friday we gripe. It's work. I see it weighing down on Andy. He is so talented, yet his hard work is taken for granted and even to a degree, questioned on a tough news day. And as hard as it is to cut loose of that safety net of a place you know well, this feels like our best shot at ever doing so. Who knows how much harder this would be once Jack is in school? Or once Charlie is here?
I feel like I talk to God a lot more these days. I find myself tipping my head to the sky and asking for the strength and bravery to do this. Charlie kicks nearly every time I do so. Is that a sign? Who knows. This could just be my youngest child literally trying to kick me into action.
I've been reading a lot about how sending out a positive vibe will often times reap you the very things you strive for. So while this is scary, and while there are nay sayers (like my boss) who remind me how hard it is to find new jobs in this economy, I know it can be done. I also know that to grow and expand your horizons, you have to leave the safety of your port.
I do have faith this will work out. And in the end, we'll look back and be so thankful we shook things up. I wish there was a way, however, to flip ahead a chapter and skim for highlights. It was always nice to see Harry Potter's name in the last few chapters of the book. Cheating? Well yes, it may have been, but I knew my character survived at least to that point and it gave me comfort.